Until we meet again
I wanted to thank you all for the healing and prayers that you all send to my father but despite all of our efforts he still transitioned from this physical plane. Everything happened so fast and so unexpected that we are all in shock and inconsolable but I still wanted to share this personal experience with you, because for me healing always occurs when I talk about my pains.
My father had been struggeling with a really bad cough for several months now. The doctor checked him out several times, did bloodwork but determined it must be a bad case of bronchitis. Of course my dad was a very stubborn man and hated hospitals and doctors so he refused to have any scans done.
So on valentines day evening he was rushed to the hospital because he was grasping for air. They told us his oxygen level in his blood had dropped to only 50%. There he was immediately tested for covid and the test came back positive. So they put him on oxygen and started doing a bunch of tests and scans.
The next day they told us what the scans were showing and what we heard left us speechless and so confused. My dad had stage 4 lung cancer and the left side of his lung had stopped working due to the massive tumor in it. Still that day he started to feel better and his oxygen level was still bad but stable.
The next morning he called me and told me he was feeling worse and he felt really bad. A few hours later the doctor called me and told me my dad was going to transition soon and that he would exceptionally allow my mom and my brother to come say their goodbyes.
I was allowed to attend via a whatsapp call as I am 7 hours away from home and as the borders are closed to all, not allowed to come home at this time. So I talked to him for about 10 minutes and told him my mom and brother were on his way. I said what i needed to say to him and although he was no longer able to open his eyes and speak, i knew that he could hear me intuitively.
Eventually my mom and brother arrived and they said their goodbyes, everyone was crying and they were holding his hand and leg, massaging them gently as they told him how much he is loved and will be missed. It was a very intens and unreal experience for all of us. Then we all told him it's ok Dad go to the light, you can go home now.... and one minute later his heart stopped and he went home. So he went in on the evening of February 14th and die on February 16th at lunchtime (12:25)
My father was a good man, always loving and giving but boy was he stubborn and also flawed as all of us are but I feel blessed he decided to have this incarnated experience with me. He had his struggles and inner demons to fight but never turned a person down who needed help. He was an extremely creative and talented man who had taught himself to speak 5 languages. He would draw and paint and as a jewellers designed many jewel creations and he loved fixing antique clocks.
The pain and loss I am feeling right now is new for me. I have never lost someone who has been with me everyday and who knows me inside and out. I feel angry, confused and extremely sad and am on a rollercoaster of emotions right now,...crying uncontrolable at one moment and then feeling fine and trusting in his presence the next....Luckily since yesterday he has already been trying to reach out and I have sensed him around me, so I feel blessed to be able to have that experience and cannot wait untill his communication improves. It gets a little tougher though for my mom and brother, So please send them much healing, love and light as they are not only grieving and experiencing a sense of lonelyness and emptyness, but they were also tested positive for covid, including my brothers girlfriend and my aunt. So send all the extra energetic reenforcements you can offer.
I never expected this to happen and saw my dad and mom visiting me in France and having a good time :( and that is hard to deal with because he will never have had the chance to experience this beautiful place in physical form. I so wanted to watch the stars at night with him, talking about this and thats like we did when i was a child :( but it will not be in the way i wanted it to be now. But I have to surrender to what is and find acceptance that all is as it was meant to be no matter how painful it is.
So tell your loved ones everyday just how special they are, never go to bed angry and when needed put your ego aside and tell people you are sorry or find forgiveness for those who might have hurt you. We are lucky we talked every day for hours no matter where i was and were able to say goodbye to him when the time had come...but you never know when the last time will be when you hold that loved one...